Self-Control in Relationships: Setting Healthy Boundaries

Hey, y’all!

Have you ever felt drained by certain relationships? Maybe you’ve been around people who constantly take but never give, or maybe someone in your life brings out the worst in you—whether through gossip, negativity, or unhealthy expectations.

Here’s the truth: Self-control isn’t just about what we do—it’s also about the boundaries we set in our relationships.

Many of us struggle with saying no because we want to be kind, helpful, and available. But setting healthy, God-honoring boundaries is a key part of self-control. If we don’t establish them, we’ll find ourselves constantly overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and even spiritually drained.

So today, let’s talk about how self-control helps us set healthy boundaries in relationships—and why it’s not only necessary, but biblical.

Boundaries Are Biblical

Some people think setting boundaries is selfish. But Jesus Himself set boundaries!

• He took time away to pray and recharge (Luke 5:16).
• He didn’t let others manipulate Him (Matthew 16:23).
• He didn’t feel pressured to please everyone (John 6:15).
• He invested most of His time in a small group of people (the disciples), rather than trying to meet every need in the crowd.

Jesus showed us that boundaries are not about selfishness—they’re about wisdom. They help us steward our time, emotions, and energy so that we can serve God effectively.

Signs You Need to Set Boundaries

If you find yourself constantly:

✅ Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”
✅ Feeling resentful because people take advantage of your kindness
✅ Avoiding certain people out of exhaustion
✅ Feeling guilty when you take time for yourself
✅ Letting others’ emotions control your actions

…then it might be time to establish some healthy boundaries.

How Self-Control Helps Us Set Boundaries

1. Self-Control Helps Us Say “No” Without Guilt

Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:37:
"Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil."

It’s okay to say no. Self-control helps us stand firm in our decisions without feeling guilty.

2. Self-Control Helps Us Avoid Toxic Behavior

Proverbs 22:24-25 warns:
"Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare."

Self-control means recognizing when a relationship is unhealthy and choosing to step back rather than being drawn into bad habits.

3. Self-Control Teaches Us to Love Without Enabling

We’re called to love others, but love does not mean allowing people to walk all over us.

Galatians 6:2,5 gives us balance:
"Bear one another’s burdens" (help others), but also "each will have to bear his own load" (personal responsibility).

Setting boundaries allows us to help others in a way that is healthy, God-honoring, and sustainable.

Practical Ways to Set Boundaries with Self-Control

1. Pray for wisdom – Ask God to show you where boundaries are needed.
2. Communicate clearly – Don’t leave room for confusion. Say “I can’t commit to that right now” instead of avoiding someone.
3. Limit toxic interactions – It’s okay to love someone from a distance.
4. Follow through – Boundaries only work if you stick to them.
5. Trust God with your relationships – If someone walks away because you set a healthy boundary, trust that God is protecting you.

Final Thoughts

Y’all, self-control in relationships isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about making sure we love others in a healthy way. When we set boundaries, we’re not being mean or unkind—we’re making space to serve God well and maintain peace in our lives.

So if you’ve been struggling to say no, or feeling guilty about setting limits, remember: Jesus set boundaries, and you can too.

Stay wise, stay strong, and stay surrendered to Him!